


Come What May

by sincewewereeighteen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Banker Louis, Because it wouldn't be me without it, Chef Harry, Christmas, Christmas Morning, Fluff, Kid Fic, Light Angst, Lots of it, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Santa Claus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 09:12:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13120653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincewewereeighteen/pseuds/sincewewereeighteen
Summary: The one in which Harry and Louis have been separated for almost a year, but their kids ask Santa to bring them together again.





	Come What May

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRIIIIIISE!  
> Hey, there!  
> So, a week or so ago a dear friend of mine asked me to write a Christmas fic, and even though I didn't have much time, I thought I'd give it a go.  
> So here's the result of very few hours scattered through four or five days, and the amazing work of my beta, who revised everything very quickly for me - and for you.  
> I hope you like it :)

 

_Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it away…_

“For fuck’s sake,” Louis complains as he strolls through the supermarket. December has barely started and everyone already seems to have forgotten that there are other songs in the world apart from Christmas ones. He honestly can’t take it, as he isn’t much for Christmas himself.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact he’s always needed to share his birthday with Jesus, never getting proper _birthday_ presents but _combo_ ones; maybe it has to do with the cold weather associated with it and how he despises snow, even if everyone loves it, especially on Christmas morning. _Maybe_ , just maybe, it has to do with the fact that _Harry_ has always been a Christmas-freak, and he and Harry aren’t together anymore.

It’s been almost a year, and Louis’ insides still twist in pain when he thinks of it. Of how they got together when they were still in uni, in their first semester, and no one believed they’d make it very far; how they got married at twenty five, after seven years together, and how they had already been living with each other for five of those.

Louis doesn’t like to think of how their marriage lasted some other seven years, and how that makes _fourteen_ years of _life with Harry_. They became adults together; they became employed together, they became husbands and a bit later, they became fathers of two amazing girls. They let routine take the best of them, and they separated in February, right after Harry’s birthday.

Holy fuck. Louis really hates Christmas songs, is the thing. Because Christmas songs make him think of Harry, and Harry hurt him. And he also hurt Harry - a lot, he reckons; their beginning was like fireworks on New Year’s Eve - full of hopes, full of promises. So it was only fair that their ending would be explosive too, like a supernova that ran its course and left debris all around. Some horrible. Some beautiful, like Elena (six) and Alice (four and a half).

The girls are the best thing he and Harry have ever done together, and they did some pretty amazing shit in their time - including traveling the world with their best friends and getting jobs that were almost two hours away from their flat, just so they wouldn’t have to move away from each other.

They chose surrogates for them, but genetics has nothing to do with the girls right now, apart from their hair and color of their eyes. You see, Elena is “Harry’s”, but she’s absolutely more like Louis. Alice is Louis’, but she reminds him a lot of Harry. They’re both suffering equally now, changing flats all the time, but they have a nice pace.

Louis is shopping at the moment because they’re coming over this weekend, and he needs to stock the house to seem like a fully functioning adult. Harry used to do the shopping and Harry used to do the cooking, and- it’s just hard, to learn how to live by himself when he’s never had to do it. And as ridiculous and weak as it makes him seem, he is always going to be the first one to admit that he is a little bit lost now.

 

Some people are whole on their own; that has never been the case for Louis. And no matter how many self help books he’s read or how many empowering movies he’s watched, he never actually found a way to feel like a person by himself. He never thought he’d get to overflow. Until Harry.

When they met, they were nothing more than two kids with wide eyes and big hopes for the future. It’s funny how some people can be oblivious when meeting the love of their lives, but this is something Louis takes pride in: he knew.

The second he met Harry as an eighteen year old boy with tight jeans - that he still wears today - and wild curls - sadly gone now - he could tell that he was the one for him. Because the day he met Harry was also the day he felt complete for the first time in his life.

That’s very cheesy, he knows, but that’s how it was. He remembers Niall looking at him and the questioning mark he had on his face, like “what the hell is happening, mate?”. Afterwards, Louis had to explain to Niall how he _had to have_ that boy, and exactly what he was going to do to get him. Niall helped Louis get laid; little did he know, he was also helping Louis to be with who was going to be the love of his life.

 

“Credit or debit, Sir?” A girl asks. She sounds impatient and Louis is afraid this isn’t the first time she is asking him this question.

“Uh- debit, please.” He tells her.

“There you go,” she smiles a half-hearted smile and Louis thanks her, getting his bags and exiting Sansbury trying to keep in mind that he needs to go to the bakery across from Harry’s restaurant, where they make the girls’ favorite cupcakes. Around Christmas time, they get to have cupcakes for breakfast; it’s tradition. Or, well, it’s a tradition Louis is attempting to start. They did it last year, so.

 

It’s a slow drive to get there, Manchester not being the best place to drive around - but he simply refused to take the underground carrying so many things. Once Louis arrives at the bakery, though, he parks right in front of it, and enters the place welcoming the warm atmosphere the heating is providing.

“Louis, hi!” Angela says as soon as she spots him. “Harry just got here, he’s sitting over there…” She points to the corner booth. Harry loves that freaking booth. Also, _what the hell is he doing here at this time?_

“Oh- hey, Angie, how you doing?” He tries to show just how _not_ affected he is.

“I’m all right, can’t wait for my shift to be over today, to be honest.”

“Oh, big plans?”

“I think my boyfriend’s going to propose.” Her eyes shine.

“Oh, wow! That’s major, love. Congratulations! Please, let me know how it went when I come back here, probably at the end of the week.”

“Will do!” She answers. “The usual?”

Louis really wasn’t going to have anything right now, just grab some things and go home, but- Harry’s there and they rarely have time to talk anymore, so.

“Yes, please.” He replies. “Also, can you get some cupcakes in a box for me, please?”

“The girls are yours, this week?”

“Yeah, I’ll take them on Thursday.” Louis tells her as he watches the girl prepare his tea. It’s never perfect, but always quite pleasant nonetheless.

“This is weird…” Angela confesses.

“Tell me about it.” He sighs and then plasters a smile on his face. “But- I mean. Everything is great.” _Everything is fucking great._

“Yes, you both look awesome.” She winks. She’s being ironic, Louis knows. Harry has never hidden how much their separation took a toll on him, so Louis didn’t either.

 

Angela knows about their story, and she’s also been here since they moved to the city. When Harry was starting the restaurant here, she was the first one to welcome them around, and they’d always grab something to eat here while dealing with construction workers and whatnot. Louis misses those days.

He misses every day they had together.

 

“Here you go, Mr. Tomlinson,” the girl fakes seriousness.

“Thanks, Angie” He grabs the tea and the scone. “I’ll grab the box when I come back to pay.”

“No problem.” She smiles, and so Louis walks towards Harry. Last, corner booth, by the window. So predictable it hurts.

“Hey, Harry.” He says quietly as he slides across from him.

“Hi, Lou, fancy seeing you here.” Harry smiles.

“Could say the same.” Louis chuckles. “You said the girls were with Gems, I thought you’d be going crazy at work.”

“I should be.” He sighs and looks at the street. Louis follows his eyes and sees the line outside the restaurant. It’s five thirty p.m. so people are starting to look for a place to find dinner. There is never a day in which Harry’s restaurant isn’t full.

“What happened, H?” Louis asks.

“Just- too stressed. Trying to get free time while trying to give other people free time too, so everyone’s satisfied. It’s complicated.”

“I know.” _It’s always been_.

“Yeah. But Clair’s pregnant, and she can’t be overworked, so we’re down one cook for Christmas. Aaron said he’ll be here and so will Frances, but-”

“You need three people working on Christmas if you are to take a leave.”

“Yes.” He looks down.

“What about Danielle?”

“She asked for time off in February. She won’t be working for that whole week. I’d completely forgotten that.”

“Shit.”

“Yes.”

“So… Does this mean I’ll have the girls for the twenty-fourth _and_ the twenty-fifth?” When Louis asks, he’s not sure if he is happy or disappointed.

“No.” Harry answers way too quickly. “Yes, I don’t know. I mean, I want to make it, I _will_ make it. I just thought we could all celebrate together, you know? Drive to your mom’s for your birthday and then to Cheshire afterwards…”

“Is… Is that a good idea?”

“I think so? I mean, this way everyone is happy.” Harry speaks as Louis finally remembers he has a scone to eat. “Louis, I… I’ve never spent your birthday away from you. I honestly don’t know how.” He shrugs.

And it’s true. In all these years, Harry has never _not_ been there when Louis got one year older. Even after he opened the restaurant, three years ago… He’s always made it. _Always_. Louis was so worried about Christmas that he hadn’t even realized that this is (was?) going to be the first time in fourteen years that he and Harry will spend one of their birthdays apart.

“I think…” Louis starts, stops to sip from his tea, then speaks again. “I think it’s something to be considered. But I’m not saying yes yet. That all right?”

“Of course. It’s whatever you want.” Harry looks down again. Louis kind of misses him looking into his eyes. “Hey, get this- Liam’s coming to Manchester next year.”

“What, really?”

“Yes!” He chuckles. “He got a new job at the local hospital and Zayn just- decided to follow him, I suppose. They’re both moving back at the end of January, just in time for my birthday.” Harry tells him, seeming genuinely excited for the first time.

They’ve known Liam and Zayn for almost ten years. They were their neighbors when they were still in uni and they were both completely oblivious about how they felt for each other. They only got together at Louis and Harry’s wedding - after being their best men (Liam Louis’ and Zayn Harry’s), getting absolutely sloshed, and making out back at the hotel.

Louis misses seeing them all the time more than he is willing to admit, but they still meet whenever they have time available. Liam’s a pediatrician, and Zayn is an artist who draws comic books for magazines - which he can do from everywhere with WiFi. Their coming back here is really good news.

“God, I’m so happy now,” Louis responds enthusiastically. “The gang’s almost all back together. We have to make Niall come to your birthday too.” Niall, who lives in freaking _Australia_ now.

“Then we could maybe throw a barbecue on the terrace?”

“It’s _February_ , Harry. It’s gonna be freezing!”

“I don’t want a gourmet dinner.” He whines.

“What about a slumber party with lots of greasy food?”

“We’re all over _thirty_ , Louis!”

“And?” He asks. “We could make blanket forts, the living room is pretty spacious. And I’m sure Niall would agree in a heartbeat-”

“Niall will agree with anything that has _beer_ in it.” His ex-husband rolls his eyes. _Ex_ , as in, _someone who is not his husband anymore_.

What the fuck?

It’s like they realize what they’re doing at the same time, because both become too concentrated on what’s on the table. Harry finishes eating and Louis drinks the rest of his tea in one gulp.

They look at each other and apologize with their eyes. Well, Harry apologizes. Louis refuses to show anything. This is too much.

 

“Uh- I’m gonna… Go.” He says. “Tell the girls I’ll pick them up at school tomorrow, yeah?”

“I’ll go too, need to stop hiding,” Harry half-jokes. “Yeah, sure, they’re going to be happy. They really want to see Santa this weekend.”

“I’ll take them, no problem.” Louis smiles.

They walk together to the counter, and Angie’s not there anymore, but Karl is. Karl is also Irish, and he makes Louis miss Niall less when he starts speaking.

“WE-HEY, good to see the Tomlinson-Styles here!” He says way too loudly. “Or, well, you know. Good to see you, pals.”

“You too, Karl.” Harry answers while Louis just nods.

“That box over there is mine…” Louis points to the counter behind Karl. “It’s the girls’ cupcakes.” He explains later.

“Here, here.” Karl hands it to him, and Louis is about to grab his wallet when Harry interrupts him with a soft hand on his arm that Louis doesn’t really feel because of his coat, but he knows it’s _there_.

“I’ve got it, Lou.”

“Harry, no-”

“I’ve got it.” Harry says again.

Once upon a time, or, well, nine months ago, they didn’t mind who paid what, because it was all theirs. Times have changed. For the worse.

 

-

 

When Louis said Elena was a lot like him, he wasn’t joking. He parks the car in front of their school, and as Alice comes running - like she always does, this girl doesn’t know how to walk, seriously -, Elena is walking a bit slower, her knee clearly hurt.

He worriedly exits the car and walks towards her, careful of Alice’s backpack  hanging on his arm.

“Darling girl, what happened?” He asks.

“Footie, papa.” She replies.

“She wanted to play with the bigger kids, wound up falling.” Louis soon looks up to see Miss Camila, her teacher, explaining what happened to him. “We took her to the medical center and they took good care of her, didn’t they?” She smiles.

“Yes. I’m fine now.” Elena replies.

“Oh, El!” Louis hugs her close and smooths his hand on her hair. “I’m sorry, baby. But this happens, especially while playing football. It’s okay, you’re fine.” He chuckles.

“I know.” She answers.

“I’m hungry,” Alice complains.

“We’re going, we’re going.” Louis assures her and gets up on his feet, holding the girls’ hands. “Thanks, Cam, I really appreciate it. She’s fine.”

“No problem, Mr. Tomlinson. Take care, Elena.” The teacher smiles, then waves at Alice and walks away.

“So, how was your day, Allie?” Louis asks the four year old.

“Good, papa. We painted numbers.” She tells him with a toothy grin.

“Oh my, really? How many numbers?” He asks interested.

“Nine! I knowed ten but Miss Jane didn’t let me paint ten, because it was two numbers and not one.” She frowns.

“You _knew_ ten, darling.”

“This is soooo easy…” Elena rolls her eyes, totally not contributing to their conversation, as she gets inside the car. “I can count to _two hundred_!”

“Hey, don’t be mean to your sister, you were four not long ago.” Louis tells her, then fastens the latch on Alice’s car seat. “All good?” He asks her.

“Yes, papa!”

“Need help there, El?” He asks her.

“No, I’m good.” She answers.

Louis nods and goes to the driver seat.

“So, what are we eating tonight?”

“Oh, it’s not pizza?” Elena asks and Louis is not sure if she’s being surprised or just bitchy. Then she smirks. Of course.

“Silly, silly El!” He laughs. “Pizza only on Saturday. How do you feel about roasted chicken and steamed vegetables?”

“That’s all right.” The six year old shrugs.

“I like it!” Alice responds.

 

They talk more in the car and the girls tell him how their days with Harry went, and how awesome it was to see Aunt Gemma this week. Louis still talks to Gemma often, but, again, not like before, so it’s really good to hear his daughters talking about her. Alice absolutely idolizes Gemma, thinks she’s the coolest person ever, and Louis can’t even argue with her, Gemma _is_ pretty cool. Elena loves her too, but she’s more into her husband, Derek, who is a professional football player.

Together, they also tell him about the other days at school - same thing they’d already said on the phone in the last few days, but with more details - and how Harry helped them with their homework, even if he was very tired from the restaurant. They had dinner at _Kings_ (Harry’s restaurant) every day while waiting for him to finish, and Clair even taught them how to make scrambled eggs.

“Can we make you some tomorrow morning, papa?” Elene asks. “You can supervise!” She adds quickly.

“Yes, sure, that’ll be awesome!”

The girls celebrate and then they sing together to Ariana Grande.  

 

-

 

“Papa, can I ask you something?” Alice calls him in a small voice when he’s tucking her into bed on Friday night.

“Sure, baby, what is it?”

“Can Dad go see Santa with us tomorrow at the mall?”

Louis is fairly sure Elena is very awake at this exact moment waiting for his answer too. And she probably told Alice to do it, thinking that the chances of him saying yes were higher. Truth be told, he didn’t even think of saying no for one second.

“I don’t know if he’ll be able to, love…” She brushes her fringe on her forehead. “But I’ll talk to him, yeah? And if he says he has time, then of course he can go.”

“Thank you, papa.” She closes her eyes as she smiles.

“You’re welcome, my darling. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Alice tells him and then he kisses her forehead.

“Night, Elena. I love you.” He says louder, and hears both girls chuckling before he closes the door behind him.

 

-

 

 

 

 

-

 

Louis abhors malls on normal days, but around this time of the year, they get incredibly more annoying. In the car park he can already tell it’s crowded, but he patiently looks for a spot while still singing with the girls. Alice gets impatient, Elena calms her down. It’s all good.

Once they’re in the mall, Louis calls Harry to find out his ex-husband is already in the line for Santa, saving them a spot.

 

“Don’t you look like a creep?” Louis jokes as the girls hug Harry. Harry laughs over Elena’s shoulder.

“The parents were already giving me the stink eye.” Harry laughs. “Hi, lovelies, how you doing?”

“Great, daddy!” Alice hangs on his neck, so Harry gets up holding her in his arms.

“Papa made pancakes this morning, can you believe it?” Elena asks, looking up.

“This papa? Are you _sure_?” Harry checks, frowning at Elena. “But he can’t-”

“He learned!” The four year old smiles excitedly. Everything is always a huge party to Allie.

“We made him the scrambled eggs the other day, so he wanted to cook for us…” El explains.

“Oh, right, Clair taught you how to make scrambled eggs. Were they good?” Harry asks Louis as an afterthought.

“Delicious.”

“Better than mine?” His ex smirks.

“Of course. My girls made it.” Louis smiles fondly at them, then takes Elena up, seeing the girl is getting a bit tired of standing on her feet. They’ve been running around all day.

“Fair enough…” Harry chuckles. “I thought I could cook tonight, though?” He says lower. “Instead of going to a restaurant, I mean. I’m kinda sick of restaurants,” he jokes.

“Oh.”

Louis has been to Harry’s new flat very few times. It’s small and uncharacteristically Harry. But since it’s just for himself, and the girls, a few days a week, he said it is okay. Louis doesn’t think it’s okay.

“We don’t have to.”

“No, that’d- that’d be nice. The girls are going to like it. Won’t you, lovelies?” Louis asks, bouncing Elena in his arms and making a face to Alice, who is squeezed by her other father.

They both start screaming _yes, Papa, please, please, Daddy, can we, really,_ and both men laugh, nodding at them and letting them know that as soon as they take pictures with Santa they can go. Harry mouths a _thank you_ to Louis and Louis answers _you’re welcome_ without the girls seeing.

Truth is, both Alice and Elena spend a lot more time with Louis than with Harry, because of their dad’s hectic schedule. Harry never having time for anything and Louis’ nine to five job was what broke them, in the end, so when they had to decide with whom the kids would stay the most, they agreed tha Louis was the one with the more defined hours for the girls.

Harry drives by almost every morning to take them to school, and he usually gets the girls from Sunday night to Wednesday, when Louis takes them until the end of the week again. Whenever they can, they do things like this - spend time together, to try and give them some sense of normalcy, even though what they’re doing right now is far from _normal_.

Still, Louis knows Harry misses the girls something mad when he’s not with them. He knows because he feels the same, but Louis has always dealt a bit better with staying away from them - for short periods of time, of course - than Harry. Once, ten months after Alice was born, Anne, Harry’s mother, gave them a cruise in Greece as an anniversary gift, and she and Gemma took care of the kids, and on day three Harry was already going insane inside of the ship.

Despite everything, two things Louis has never doubted: Harry’s loyalty to him, and his love for their daughters. Adult life is just horrible sometimes.

 

They wait for fifteen minutes until the girls are called. They both sit on Santa’s lap and the photographer starts working, taking pictures from different angles so both Louis and Harry can choose one to buy. Louis can’t contain himself and takes his phone out, snapping a few shots himself so he can send to their family’s group chat (their, as in, Styles and Tomlinsons in the same group chat).

“So, little ladies, what do you want for Christmas?” Santa Claus asks them.

Harry is by Louis’ side, wide-eyed watching the girls talk to the man. They’re both so stupid for them.

“Nothing, we have everything!” Alice says. Then looks at her hands. Harry and Louis coo.

“Oh, are you sure?” He asks again, a smile on his white-bearded face.

“El?” Alice looks at her.

“We want our fathers to get back together.” Elena says, but doesn’t dare to look at anyone. “They said it’d be better this way, but it’s not better.”

“Shit.” Louis whispers, eyes filling with water.

“Louis.” Harry grabs his hands, squeezes it tightly.

“Grown ups are complicated, girls…” They hear Santa speak. “But if they still love each other, I can promise you you’ll get your wishes at some point.”

“Not for Christmas?” Elena asks.

“I can’t tell for sure.”

“But we were good girls this year!” Alice complains.

“We talked in _July_ about this, this is what we wanted to ask, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT COME TRUE!” The six year old gets impatient.

“Elena, love…” Harry walks towards her. “We should go, yeah? Santa needs to talk to other kids.”

“But dad, he-” She starts crying.

“We were good girls.” Alice repeats in a small voice, but kisses the man on the cheek and walks towards Louis, offering her small hand for him to catch. Louis holds it and squeezes firmly. If he had one wish he  believed would come true, he’d spend it on their marriage too.

 

The four of them walk silently towards their cars, and the girls ask if they can go with Harry in his car; it doesn’t break Louis’ heart, no, on the contrary, it makes him happy that they still want to divide their time well and fairly between their fathers. What makes him sad is that they even have to think of them in the first place. What makes him sad is that a four and a six year old _agreed_ , months ago, on asking Santa Freaking Claus to reunite their fathers.

He cries in the car for a few minutes before he gathers the courage to start driving, and when they get to Harry’s he does everything in his power to clear his face; Louis opens the glove compartment and finds a few tissues, and also Harry’s concealer - he almost laughs, can’t believe that shit’s still there. (“You never know when you’ll need to look good, Lou.” “But you always look good.”)

 

“What are we eating, then?” Harry asks. “Are we feeling pasta? Are we feeling meat?”

“What do you want, Papa?” Alice asks.

“Whatever you want, babies.” He replies.

“Nooo, today is whatever you want, Papa.” Elena replies.

“In that case, I think I’m feeling pasta…” Louis responds without giving much thought, because 1) he can really eat and enjoy whatever Harry cooks, and 2) he knows the girls prefer pasta.

“Pasta it is then.” Harry smiles, knowing exactly why Louis chose this. They’re just… In sync.

 

It never ceases to amaze Louis how much a person changes after they have kids. He didn’t use to believe it much when his mother told him, but the first day he and Harry were parents, they were already different people.

Elena arrived on a day like any other. In an instant, who they were disappeared, and it didn’t even matter, because she was here - in the world. She was just… So innocent. She was very small; two tiny hands and a pair of big, green eyes that stared at them like an unsung melody that was theirs for safekeeping.

On that day, both he and Harry kind of renewed their wedding vows. They promised to guard her with their lives and that they’d hang the moon for it to shine on her sleeping. It’s just… Everything really _changed_ ; and all their mistakes made sense when they turned them around. Things they thought were permanent faded, and Louis will always remember to say that they were _all_ born that day, the three of them - a little girl, their _daughter_ , and two _fathers_.

Their small family was just… Meant to be. And when Alice came, although they were more prepared for it, it was still a surprise of how the dynamic changed once again. Alice came as a savior, and made them refocus, un-blurring lines, tidying up their messy lives. Alice helped them heal, and she helped them believe again, and on the day she was born, Elena was too - as a big sister.

Now that they’re all here, Louis sits and reflects about all of them, and how far they’ve come, how much they’ve grown. Harry moves easily in the kitchen, asking their older daughter for help on simpler things as Louis is coloring with Allie on the table, while they still have time.

If you ask him what he misses about their married life, he’s going to make a list that goes from _the sex_ to _the way Harry’s eyes shine first thing in the morning_ . If you ask him what he misses the most, he’ll say it’s _this_ . Moments like this one, right here, when the rest of the world doesn’t matter because this is _The World_ to him.

 

-

 

“Lou, d’you mind if we talk?” Harry asks when he finishes cleaning up the kitchen.

The girls wanted to watch a movie after dinner and now they’re both fast asleep on Harry’s couch. It’s going to be a nightmare to take them to the car, and then from the car up to the flat, and if Harry didn’t have to leave so early for work tomorrow (Sundays being _Brunch Day_ at _Kings_ ), Louis would leave them right here tonight.

“Sure, no problem. Where? I don’t wanna disturb them for now.” He responds in a low voice.

“Balcony?” Harry suggests.

“It’s cold.”

“You can wear one of my jumpers.” He offers.

“Okay.”

And by the way Harry smiles when he agrees, Louis already imagines this is exactly what he had in mind when he suggested that they go to the balcony in the first place.

 

They stand in silence for five minutes, until Harry speaks up. It’s a whisper, really, but Louis catches it.

“I miss you.” He voices.

“Harry…”

“Louis, I miss you so much that I’m going crazy. It’s not- Christmas fever or whatever, I just- sometimes I am doing things and I have to stop doing them because I remember you and I can’t breathe. It’s getting hard to focus around the girls. I’ve been fucking up a lot at the restaurant too, because I can’t concentrate and I-- I swear I wasn’t going to say anything, okay?” He looks at him. “We agreed that this was the best, that we were going to be proper adults about it, but.” Harry stops, takes a deep breath. “I don’t know about you, but I think everyone is suffering more now.”

“We’re adjusting, H.”

“Do we have to, though? The girls miss us together. _I_ bloody miss us together, and I think- well. I _hope_ you do too.”

Louis isn’t at a loss for words. He’s not sure he should say the words he is thinking, but there are definitely lots of them in his mind. This is _Harry_ , though. And even on his worse days, Louis has never kept anything from Harry. Not from his best friend.

“I prepared myself.” Louis starts, and looks at him in the eyes, intently. If they’re doing this, they’re doing this right. “I prepared myself for you to walk away; I prepared myself for you to leave. I prepared myself for a heartbreak, for what it’d feel like when you didn’t text me for days. I prepared myself for the feeling I’d get when seeing you with somebody else, eventually.

I prepared myself to be able to fake a smile when you asked how I was doing and to pick up the pieces of my fucking scattered heart every night when I went to bed and you weren’t there. I prepared myself, and yet, here I am, staring at you wishing you had stayed; thinking about _what_ I could’ve done for you to have stayed.”

They’re both crying by now, and they’re crying the worst kind of tears: the uncontrollable ones that leave your eyes without permission; the ones that come out when you are hurting _so_ much that you’re unable to scream. Louis is in physical pain without Harry. Constantly. Right now, maybe, more than ever.

Harry scoots closer, rests his arms on the railing and looks out at the street.

“I haven’t unboxed any picture frames I brought with me from the flat.” He tells Louis, voice heavy. “It tears me apart inside to even see photographs of us, of _you_ , because I look at you and think _‘wow, that used to be mine; that person is a person I think the world of, a person I would do absolutely anything for, that’s the face of a person I love with my entire being, and that person isn’t mine anymore’._

And it makes me think how- how fucked up things are because one minute you can have everything you’ve ever wanted and the next minute you could be collapsed on the floor of your shower trying to figure out if you even want to be on this earth anymore because the person you love to death is- is…”

“Harry.” Louis pulls him in and hugs him. Louis hugs him so, so strongly that if they hold on long enough, he believes everything will be all right.

Hugging Harry, _loving_ Harry feels like everything Louis has ever lost came back to him.

“Harry.” He calls his name again, but the other man keeps sobbing on his shoulder, closing his fists in the back of Louis’ - his own - jumper, not wanting to let go.

“I don’t know how to not love you. I don’t want to, Lou, _help me_.”

“Babe, please.” Louis asks him too. He’s also crying, but a lot more controlled. “I love you so, so much, Hazz. Don’t do this to me. I can’t- I’m still learning how to glue myself back together, we-”

“Why though? Why the fuck are we keeping this up?” He pulls apart and stares at Louis. He looks destroyed. He looks gorgeous. “I don’t want our kids asking Santa for us to be back together. I don’t need _magic_ , I need your arms around me at three thirty a.m. when the dark is too much. I need us to be real when nothing else is.”

“I’m here. I’m here.” Louis hugs him again.

“But you’re _not_. We- we’re not… Would you consider? Getting back together? For real.”

“Yes, Harry, of course.” He sighs. “For fuck’s sake, I can barely function on my own. But- but, babe, it doesn’t matter what we _want_ when the same problems are still there.” Louis tells him reluctantly.

“What if they weren’t?”

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean- I’m trying, okay? I’m not opening the restaurant on Christmas at all. And as off last week, when we talked, I put out announcements that I’m hiring two new chefs, so I’ll only have to work few hours next year, and definitely not everyday. I’d be home more, I’d be a more present father, and I- I’d be your _husband_.”

The words hit Louis like a rainstorm. And he loves the rain.

“You mean it?”

“I do. And I promise I didn’t put our daughters up to it, I just- they just gave me the courage to say what I’ve been meaning to say ever since we separated in the first place.” Harry takes his hands. “I love you, Louis. I don’t want to love anyone but you. Ever.”

“I love you too.” Louis rests their foreheads together. “I… Har-” Harry places a soft kiss on Louis’ mouth, silencing him for the time being.

It’s been so, so long since they last kissed each other. Months and months. Somehow, it doesn’t feel foreign at all to do it after all this time. It feels like coming back home.

“Babe.” Louis whispers.

“Give us another chance, Louis, please. Till Christmas. We can- we can try and…”

“And see how it goes?” He asks, but presses his mouth to Harry’s one more time, walking him back to the wall by the side of the glass door.

“Yes. We don’t tell the girls, we just-” He kisses Louis now, and they’re quiet, they don’t want to wake the girls up.

“Go on a couple of dates, try to coordinate schedules again- _H,_ ” Louis tries not to moan while the other man kisses his neck.

“Whatever you want, whatever you need…” Harry whispers as he trails wet kisses on Louis’ throat, nipping at the sensitive skin, knowing it’s a weak spot and making Louis turn into goo in his arms.

“Want you, need you.” He replies, holds onto Harry’s arms and kisses him again. “Always, always you.”

 

-

 

Louis wakes up on a foreign bed, but the arms around him aren’t foreign at all.

Slowly, as he comes to, he starts to become very aware of his surroundings. He’s in Harry’s bedroom, at his new flat. Harry’s fingers are gazing the skin of his abdomen ever so softly, and his breathing indicates he’s already awake. Louis tries not to stiffen, but his body betrays him before he can think.

He absolutely _can’t_ believe they did this, after so, so long.

They weren’t a cliché. After they decided to separate, they didn’t do the whole break up sex thing; they really did go their separate ways, and they acted as friends, as exes, as adults. A part of Louis’ brain says that _this is it_ , the break up sex they never had, this is _closure_. But another part of him, a bigger one, suggests that this doesn’t represent a separation at all. This is more. This feels like a new beginning.

“Please don’t freak out,” Harry whispers in his ear and tightens his arms around Louis, plastering his front to Louis’ back.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” His ex-husband chuckles. “Turn around, please.” Louis does. He moves carefully so as not to detangle their bodies, and stares at Harry’s green, green eyes. “God, I’ve missed this…” Harry tells him, a timid smile on his face, as he brushes Louis’ hair out of his forehead.

 _So did I_ , Louis wants to say, but he’s scared that if he opens his mouth he will start crying. He loves Harry just as much, or maybe more, than he did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day they _both_ walked away from their marriage.

Last night comes in flashes, but he remembers telling Harry that.

“Louis, please, say something.” Harry asks very, very carefully. “Something good.”

“I-” He chokes up, clears his throat. “I’ve missed you too. This. Your eyes in the morning-- I’ve missed everything.” Louis hugs him. Harry sighs in relief and kisses where Louis’ neck meets his shoulder, whispering _thank God_ over and over again.

They kiss more and more, they need to come up for air. After almost fifteen years, Louis still wishes he didn’t need to stop kissing Harry for something as simple and stupid as breathing.

“We have so much to talk about, H.” Louis finally says. “This- this was great, and- and so, _so_ perfect. But it doesn’t solve anything.”

“I know.” His ex grabs one of his hands. “I know.” He nods. “The girls are going to wake up soon, so we don’t really have time now, but… Sometime during the week? While they’re at school?”

“I have work.” Louis whines. He’s pretty sure Mr. Stinson won’t be happy if Louis tells him he needs a day off to solve things with his ex. Bankers suck. Louis should know, he’s one of them.

“I can come ‘round your lunchtime.”

“ _You_ have work.” Louis smiles.

“I was serious when I told you I’d make some changes, Lou.” Harry presses.

“Babe- lunchtime is crazy at Kings, you can’t possibly leave that restaurant at this time.” He responds. “I can… I can ask Lots to come and stay with the girls for a while; she can pick them up at school and I’ll… I’ll swing by the restaurant after I’m done. How does that sound?”

“Like I’ll have to put something special on the menu for whenever you come in.” Harry smiles his beautiful smile, and Louis deposits a simple kiss on the corner of his lips. “How does tomorrow sound?” He asks.

“Eager, are we?”

“Very.”

Louis laughs.

“Tomorrow is… Too soon. We need to think. About what we want to say to each other.”

“I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to you since February.” His ex-husband replies.

“Well, me too. But- I reckon they aren’t the same things anymore and- please, H, just a couple more days? Wednesday, maybe?”

“Whenever you want.” He complies.

“Thanks.” Louis smiles. “What do we tell the girls when they wake up on your couch?”

“That you let them sleep here because I’d have a late morning?”

“How late is it?” He squints his eyes.

“Nine-ish.”

“HARRY,” Louis sits up alarmed, “You need to get to the restaurant _yesterday_.”

“I called in around six, Lou. I’m here. And I’m yours for the day if you guys want to go skiing or something. Just- staying in is good, too.”

“I have laundry to do.” Louis all but cries.

“So you…” Harry thinks. “You go do your laundry. I can cook them breakfast and then take them home.”

“O- okay, that works.” He agrees.

“But if I can give you some advice, I’d say you should shower here first.”

“Why?”

“You’ve got dried come on your stomach, darling.” Harry laughs, a bit louder than necessary. Louis loves him.

“Hate you.”

“You weren’t saying that last night.”

“Stop being filthy, Harry, the girls are in the living room.”

“Oh, yeah, because we have never ever fucked with them sleeping next door. Nope. That never happened.”

“Shut up.” Louis smiles, then leans down to kiss him on the mouth. “I’ll shower. Then I’ll leave very quietly.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He starts to get up.

“Lou?”

“Hm?”

“Come here first.” Harry pulls him by the arm and makes Louis fall flat on the bed; he kisses the living shit out of him for minutes on end; they snog like proper schoolboys, until they hear noise in the living room.

If Louis showers and needs to _hide_ while exiting the house because the girls are already very awake and full of questions, then it’s all Harry’s fault anyways, and he’s the one who will have to deal with it.

 

Mariah Carey is on the radio when Louis starts the car, and he doesn’t even hate her today.

 

-

 

Wednesday arrives too soon. Before today, Louis thought it was taking _too long_ , but now it’s here and he’s almost at Harry’s restaurant and his insides are twisting. They have been talking more than they already did these past few days; sometimes they’re cheeky, sometimes they’re serious, but they’re always truthful.

For the past few days, Louis has gone to bed after listening to Harry’s voice, and wakes up with a _good morning_ text. The kids don’t notice anything different, and if they do they don’t comment on it, but they keep asking when they’re going to go out together as a family again.

The girls don’t complain often; they do it very rarely considering how young they are, but whenever they look a bit crestfallen, the best way to cheer them up is to take them to the park with both their dads, and everything is all right. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise what they pulled at the mall with the whole asking Santa to reunite their parents thing, but it did.

One thing is for sure, though: they both owe their daughters a huge thank you.

Louis doesn’t think they’d have had the guts to tell the other _exactly_ what they were feeling hadn’t it been for their children, so now, as Louis walks into Kings, he takes a deep, deep breath, and prepares himself for what is to come.

 

“Louis, so good to see you here!” Jesy, one of the waitresses, tells him.

“Hi, love, how are you?” He half-hugs her. “Is Harry around?”

“He was in the kitchen last I saw him,” the woman offers.

“I’mma go in there, thank you!” Louis talks to her and every other person he finds in the way. Louis knows all of them since the day they were hired; he opened bank accounts for some of the youngsters when they told him this was their first job. It’s good to be back.

He walks towards the kitchen as someone who knows this place upside down, and when he makes it there, there’s no Harry around, but a party kind of erupts as the cooks see him. Louis smiles bashfully and tilts his head down for a bit, before hugging everyone, and stopping at Clair.

“Baaaabes!” He tightens his arms around her. “It’s so good to see you, you look huge!”

“Thanks, asshole.”

“That was a legitimate compliment, I love pregnant women!”

“You and Harry, I swear- think one of you would get pregnant if you could… Probably Harry…” She wonders.

“Oh God…” He laughs with her. “How far along are you?” Louis asks as he sits on the sink counter; completely unsanitary, but if Louis knows these people, they’d probably clean the kitchen after he left even if he didn’t touch anything, so.

“Seven months, I can’t wait for this minx to pop out.”

“What are you gonna name him?”

“Still don’t know. Luke wants Brady, but I really don’t know.”

“When the time’s right you’ll find out.” He assures her. “We didn’t know what to call El till we saw her face for the first time.” Louis smiles at the memory.

“She’s huge. Both her and Allie, actually. They came here the other day and I was like- holy crap.”

Louis chuckles.

“Yeah, time flies.”

“H’s coming, by the way,” Clair tells him. “I guess he was changing or something. For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here.”

“What did he tell you?” He squints his eyes.

“That you’re going out to talk,” she says, “but his eyes, I swear to God… Looked a lot like yours do now.” Clair laughs.

“Fourteen fucking years and I’m still nervous to even have dinner with him.” Louis confesses.

“That’s why you’re magic.” The girl sighs. “Oh, here comes Prince Charming.”

And like- she could be exaggerating, doing one of those cute things people do when they see skinny love right in front of them, but, to Louis’ mind, she’s being very literal. Because Harry walks into the kitchen like fucking royalty, knocking the wind out of Louis’ lungs and making him think - for the umptenth time since they met - that air isn’t even that important anyways.

His ex-husband is wearing proper trousers and a button up, and all three rings Louis gave him along the years: the rose one, the silver one with the engraved date of the day they met, and the one with the red stone. Harry, just like Louis, wears his wedding ring on a necklace, though it’s not showing right now.

Louis was never one for accessories, but ever since he started wearing a ring, when they got engaged, it kind of became part of him; now it always feels like there’s something missing, and on the nights he’s feeling very pathetic, he sleeps with it for comfort. It helps, if only a bit.

“Hey, Lou,” Harry stops close to him, and Louis stands up with a smile on his face.

“Hi, H.” He responds.

“D’you wanna go somewhere or stay here?” Harry asks, but he already knows the answer.

Louis turns to Clair.

“Is there _carbonara_ in the menu tonight?”

“Nope.” She smiles. “Doesn’t mean you’re not going to get it.”

“I’d say you’re the best, but your boss is right here by my side, and _he’s_ kinda the best. But you’re awesome.” He winks.

“I’d hate you two if I didn’t love you.” She rolls her eyes.

“Do we have a table?” Louis hears Harry asking someone.

“I placed a reservation when you said Louis was coming today. _Your_ table is ready.” Louis turns around just to see Matt being cheeky. God, Louis likes this staff a lot. He truly does.

Harry thanks the guy and asks Louis to go first, because he still needs a few words with them before he goes, so Louis finds his way out. He sits at _their_ table and thanks Matt for the wine he’s already brought, and waits for a bit till Harry emerges from the corridor. He speaks to everyone on his way, and all his employees smile and nod, before wishing him a good night or something similar.

Louis has always known, but it never ceases to amaze him how rare of a person Harry is: so effortlessly himself that the world loves him for it.

 

“All ready?” He asks as Harry sits across from him.

“Yeah, yeah.” Harry replies with a smile. “We’re good for the rest of the night. What are we drinking?”

“Italian Trebbiano…” Louis answers. “It’s perfect.” He says as he serves Harry some. The man lifts the glass and urges Louis to do the same. “What are we toasting to?” He asks.

“To a first step.” Harry answers.

“That’s a good toast…” He agrees. “What is this step, exactly?”

“One towards our marriage?”

“Yeah?” Louis is really trying not to lose it. He knows they talked about it not even a week ago, but the thought of getting back together with Harry still feels surreal to him, somehow.

“Of course, Louis.” He chuckles. “I just need to know if you want it as much as I do. If you miss it as much as I do.” Harry swallows hard. “These past months without you have been horrendous, I _told_ you that. There’s unpacked stuff at my flat, you _saw_ that.”

“I did.”

“I feel cold, constantly. It’s like no matter how many layers I dress in, it’s never enough. Everywhere feels cold, and everywhere feels foreign, unless you’re there.” His eyes never leave Louis’s, much like the first time he confessed he loved him, after they’d been together for only fours months.

Louis was already so in love by then too.

“Babe…” Louis takes his hand on the table. Harry opens his palm willingly and Louis intertwines their fingers. “I miss you like a phantom limb.” He chuckles humorlessly. “I miss you in every corner of our flat.”

“Our flat?” His ex raises an eyebrow.

“D’you remember when we bought it?” Louis asks already knowing the answer, but Harry confirms it anyways, nodding. “ _We_ bought it, Harry. Your name’s on that contract, and there are traces of you everywhere. It never stopped being ours. And I feel like- okay, we decided to break up, and we decided to move on with our lives, but… I just never thought I’d get over you, so it’s always been… Weird? Like. I don’t know. I love you. I loved you as a boy, and I love you for the man you are right now. I love you for the father you are right now. And even though we had some problems, I loved you as the husband you were to me, even when we separated.”

“Me too, Louis. _God_ , me too.”

“But we did have problems, H. Many of them. We broke up before we stopped loving each other, because it was the best thing we could do for ourselves. And now- _yes_ , I want you back. I’ll always want you. But we can’t go back to having the same problems. Do you get that?” Louis asks.

“I do, Lou. I have- I have a planner, and I’m redoing every schedule for next year, I’ve been working like crazy, because I- I want this to work; I want to be there when the girls wake up and when they go to bed. But more than that, I want to be there for _you_.

I was never a lousy father, I didn’t let my work come between me and the girls. I let it come between me and you.” Harry acknowledges. Louis simply nods, looks down. Harry squeezes his hand. “And that was a horrible mistake, because you’re- you’re the reason all my dreams came true.”

“H.”

“How’s your schedule at work? Is it still the same?” Harry asks.

“Yes. Nine to five, every day.”

“Would it help if I did the same? We’d leave and get home at the same time…”

“Harry, you can’t do it.” Louis tells him.

“I can, Lou.” Harry smiles. “I’ll be here for half of breakfast time, and lunch hours, then leave before dinner. Frances can take the night shifts. I trust him to do it. I’ll probably come every other weekend, if you agree with it, but-”

“Stop. Stop, look- I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to resent me for in the future.”

“The only thing I’m going to resent in the future is not getting you back while I can, Louis.” Harry sighs, but there’s a smile on his face. “Are you okay with me working every other weekend?”

“Yes, Hazz.”

“And working nine to five?”

“It won’t be the worst thing in the world to have you home more often.” He smiles. “What about the girls, though?”

“They’re getting bigger, I thought- maybe we should hire a nanny? I mean, I know it hurts. I hate it too, but…”

“No, I- I’ve been thinking about it too.” He smiles. “I wanted to ask you that even if we didn’t, you know. And it would only be for a few hours, yeah? From school time till we got home. And maybe- date nights?”

“I like the sound of that.”

“We used to hang out with our friends a lot.” Louis shrugs. “And we promised we wouldn’t let routine get the best of us, but it kinda did, didn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes, I agree with that. And Lou, if _time_ is all that was in our way, now… Now it isn’t.”

“It wasn’t just your fault, H.” He speaks up. “I let things get to a breaking point. I mean- even though I’ve gotten a lot better thanks to you, I’m shit at talking about feelings. Most of the time I’d just pretend I was tired so we wouldn’t get into a discussion, and that’s no way to be in a marriage. I should’ve known and done better too.”

Harry takes another sip of wine, then another. He nods and waits for Jesy to serve them. She winks at Louis and he winks right back at her.

“I saw that…” Harry says, he sounds airy.

The girl shrugs and walks away.

“This smells delicious. Fuck, I’m hungry.” Louis basically moans as he grabs the fork. Then he eats, and sees stars.

It’s so, so good.

“I do have some competition.” Harry notices.

“Guess you’ll have to cook for me soon then.”

“Challenge accepted.” He laughs and starts eating too.

Throughout dinner, Louis tells him things that have been happening at work and how he’s due to a promotion next year. Not surprisingly, Harry answers with enthusiasm, and wants to know everything about it, but Louis jokes that nothing’s going to distract him from that pasta at the moment.

They talk about their moms and their siblings, and how crazy it is that Lottie is already married, thinking about having kids of her own. They talk about Clair and her new baby, and what they should get her as a gift. They reminisce about the gifts they got when Elena came into the picture.

Harry tells him that the six year old sometimes calls him in the middle of the night, and it startles Louis, because he would never suspect that. It makes his heart clench, but not in a terrible way. Louis loves the way his daughters love them. They stay on that topic a lot.

Once the food is over and they can’t even think about dessert, they make up their minds to stay there and finish the bottle of wine, Louis deciding he’ll call a cab instead of driving home; Harry thinking the same (they can always meet here tomorrow again, to get their cars, of course).

Louis tells Harry that maybe he’ll get a new car, and that they need a new dishwasher. Harry comments that they should go look for one at that place Louis likes but never remembers the name (Harry doesn’t either), and it doesn’t even occur to them that they’re not living together yet.

It’s something they need to talk about.

 

And it’s something they do, when they go on their first date a week later. This one happens on a Saturday, and the girls know nothing, just that they’re going to have a sleepover with Aunt Gemma.

Harry comes over to Louis’ - _their_ \- flat, and he cooks a simple shrimp stir fry with egg noodles, one of Louis’ favorites from when Harry started cooking for him, back in the day. They drink wine again, but much less than they did at the restaurant. They also eat in front of the TV while Downton Abbey serves them as background noise (which, kind of rude, and Louis hopes Maggie Smith will forgive him for), and laugh together when Harry almost spills water everywhere.

“How do you not set kitchens on fire?” Louis jokes.

“Cause that’s _your_ job, babe.” Harry replies.

 

They get to the second part of Serious Talk over dessert this time. Louis needs sugar to get to the next part and Harry seems to agree. First order of business: holidays.

“Can we do what we always do?” Harry asks. “I know I’ve already asked you that, but…”

“I’ve been thinking about it and… Maybe we could host it?”

“What, here?”

“We have the space.” Louis shrugs. “I kind of want to spend my birthday here, with you and the girls… And our moms, Robin, Mark… And Gems and Lots can come on the twenty-fifth; I’ll even help you cook.” He smiles. “Or, well- chop things. Allie will probably be better than me at the cooking part…”

Harry laughs.

“I think I like your idea even more than mine. That way I can, you know, come here on the twenty-fourth to celebrate with you, sleep at my place and be here very early on Christmas morning.” He thinks.

“Or…” Louis trails. “You could sleep here, and wake up here on Christmas morning.” A smile grows on his face.

“I could?” _The hope_ in Harry’s eyes could beat fairytales.

“Yes.”

“And what would we tell the girls?”

“The truth, I suppose.”

“Alice is only four.” Harry ponders.

“We can’t underestimate our children, Harry.” Louis tells him. “They’re going to notice something. And look- I’m not saying you should move in immediately, we have to- we have to test the waters, but… I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep here a few nights.” He smiles.

“A trial period?”

“Yeah.”

“Starting tonight?” He gets closer.

“I think so, yeah.” Louis whispers back. “Come here, Harry.” He pulls him in.

Trial period starts now.

 

-

 

On day one they wake up together, and have a sex marathon until Gemma calls and says she needs to drop the girls off, so Harry goes to his flat before they come back. On day two, Louis sits and talks with them, says he and Harry have something important to say. One day three, they tell them, together, that they are trying.

Louis doesn’t think he will ever forget the look on their faces when they _thank them_ for being together, as if this is a big favor they are doing their daughters. Elena tries to act tough, but Alice actively cries on the crook of Louis’ neck, saying she’s very happy their dads are _loving_ each other.

Life doesn’t go back to normal just yet, especially because the changes in the restaurant are only really going to come next year, but they do a bunch of things just the four of them. Louis suspects Harry’s telling Gemma some stuff, but he calls Liam every now and then too, so that’s okay.

(It’s not that he’s scared to tell his own family; he’s even excited for them to find out. It’s just that, just as Gemma is Harry’s best friend, Liam is one of Louis’s, and he was the first one to whom Louis told he loved Harry, so it seems… Symbolic, to tell him now.)

 

The two weeks before Christmas day happen slowly and fly by at the same time. Harry finally un-grinches Louis and they all decorate the flat to the point that it looks as if Santa threw up there, and they listen to Mariah Carey every morning at breakfast, much to Louis’ dismay. Alice and Elena love it, and so does Harry, so he complies.

They make plans for Louis’ birthday together, and they ask the girls to please not tell anyone just yet. They both react like super-spies, and it’s one of the cutest things ever.

 

Louis should be more scared, he thinks, one of the nights when Harry isn’t here. He says goodnight to the other man whom he can’t call _ex_ anymore (thank God), and he sits in the bedroom alone for a long time, trying to figure out why he isn’t absolutely frightened that they are doing this again - so fast, no less.

And he relives the days they’ve spent together, and the months they’ve spent apart “but not really”, and he relives every important moment of the last fifteen years. Louis realizes he doesn’t know how to live a life without Harry, he doesn’t _want_ to learn how to live a life without Harry.

He realizes that he isn’t scared _now_ because he’s been scared for the last ten months. Because the most frightening thing indeed is to face this world alone, when there’s someone who loves him, and who he loves with all of his heart, mind, body, and soul, ready to offer him a hand.

Louis lies down and closes his eyes. Harry’s not only his lighthouse, he’s his _safehouse_ ; he’s home. And it’s about time they found their way back.

 

-

 

There is an incessant noise when he wakes up, and he tries to ignore it, but he just can’t. This time, it’s a Christmas carol. He had imagined today to be completely different. He thought he’d wake up in bed with Harry, that he’d get a good morning kiss and a _happy birthday, babe_ before the girls were up, but apparently, this is not what is happening here.

He is alone in bed, and he knows it’s morning because there’s sunlight coming through the curtains. Very lazily, he sits up and grabs his phone on the bedside table, checking the time. It’s not very late, still eight a.m., but Louis makes himself get up anyways and goes straight into the ensuite.

“You’re thirty two,” he says into the mirror, almost as if he can’t believe it. And he smiles, because shit… He’s thirty two.

See, when Louis was a teenager, he had his mind set on never growing up; then, when he became a twenty year old, he started to completely abhor adulthood and he refused to act as old as he was, because he didn’t want to give in to the world or whatever it was that he used to say back then. But, as his mom always tells him, _the time comes for everybody._ And it came for him.

It wasn’t suddenly, mind you, Louis swears he saw it coming. He started exchanging hard liquor for beer and wine more often than not, and he stopped spending so much money on nights out and started worrying about things he wanted to buy for the flat. Instead of going out every weekend, he and Harry decided to save money to travel, and instead of burning all their money during the trip, they made a decision to reduce costs and buy their first car.

Louis just… He welcomed adulthood slowly, but with certainty that that was what he needed to do. As it came, his life only became better, he only became surer of what he wanted and who he was, and all of that… All of that was thanks to the man who was in the kitchen with his kids right now, singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs, waking him up on the day of his birthday.

All right, so maybe this wasn’t a bad wake up call after all.

 

Louis washes his face and brushes his teeth, and then he makes his way to the kitchen, where he surely finds the man of his life and their girls making a mess with a batter and flour and strawberries.

“PAPA, PAPA, GOOD MORNING!” Alice is the first one to run into him, giving Louis just enough time to fall on his knees and hug her small body. “Happy birthday!” She says a bit lower, but it still sounds like she’s screaming in his ear. Louis loves it.

“Thank you, beautiful.” He squeezes her.

“I love you, Papa, you are the best in the world!” Alice tells him, and then steps out of the hug to hand him a drawing. It’s crooked and he can’t make much of it, but his eyes still fill up with tears anyways. “Look, it’s us!” She points. In the drawing, there’s a man (Louis) and a little girl (Alice), and what he figures it’s a swing. “We’re in Granny’s Jay house!” She clarifies.

“Allie, baby, this is gorgeous. I love you a lot, a lot, a lot!” He kisses her cheek. “Hey, you-” he looks at Elena, “do I get a hug, or…?”

“Dad told me to wait for my turn…” She all but rolls her eyes ( _so much like Louis_ ) and then almost makes Louis fall on the ground with the force of her hug. “Happy birthday, Papa.” Elena says. “You make me very happy and I will love you until I’m big and you are old.”

“Me too!” Allie intervenes.

“Me too.” He hears Harry’s voice, but he’s still focused on Elena.

“Thanks, darling. I’ll love you until I’m all old and wrinkled too.” Louis says and makes a face at the same time. El hands him a card. “Oh, what is this?”

“I wrote you a letter.” She says, her cheeks reddening.

Elena is very, very smart for her age. She started reading at four thanks to the Comic Books Zayn insisted on sending her, and she just never stopped. She makes mistakes like every kid her age, but Jesus is Louis proud!

_Papa, every year I wish you the happiest birthday in the world, because I always want you to be happy. You make me smile and you always give me the biggest slice of pie, and I think it’s because you love me. When I learn to cook without Dad, I’ll make you a whole pie by myself, because that’s how much I love you. Your El._

“Baby,” Louis pulls her in again. “I love you so so so much. I want to give you all the pie in the world right now,” he jokes, but his voice is wavering. He’s just… So emotional.

“Can I have my hug now?” Harry asks with an amused voice, arms crossed loosely on his front.

Elena steps back and both girls go silent, watching their dads. Louis gets up and Harry helps him, pulling him into his body right away. They both take deep breaths in each other’s arms, as if they’re thinking _at last_.

“Lou, you’re thirty two.” Harry whispers.

“I know, this is crazy,” he chuckles into Harry’s jumper.

“I’ve dreamed about this since I was eighteen.” His husband confesses.

“Me turning thirty two?” Louis frowns funnily and looks at Harry.

“No,” he smiles, “spending every birthday, every Christmas, every day of my life by your side. To watch you grow, and watch you become whoever you want to be, and just- I wanted to see all your dreams come true, and be there to celebrate them with you.”

“You’re my dream come true, silly. This is.” Louis grins too, one hand playing with the loose strands of Harry’s hair.

“Same,” Harry nuzzles into his neck. “Happy birthday, my love. Thank you for letting me spend another one with you.”

“Thank _you_ , H. For everything.” Louis hugs him.

The girls start singing _happy birthday_ and Harry follows suit, but doesn’t let go of Louis’ body. He laughs unabashedly just because he’s so, so happy, and then kisses Harry quickly, asking the girls to join them in their embrace.

Harry takes Allie in his arms and Elena stays in the middle of them. They just hug for a few minutes, making plans for the day and deciding they’re going to spend it here, together. They start by eating pancakes, and then decide to organize the house a bit. The girls go to their bedroom to tidy up a bit, and Harry stays responsible for the kitchen and the living room, while Louis goes to their room to get rid of last night’s mess.

It’s such an _ordinary_ day. The Killers is playing in the sound system right now - _they all stopped torturing Louis, finally_ \- and he’s dancing to Mr. Brightside after folding the heaviest blanket when his husband finds him, hugging him from behind and quickly turning him around, kissing Louis the way he couldn’t in front of their daughters and intently throwing their bodies on the bed.

Louis opens his legs to accommodate Harry’s body and then crosses his arms around his neck, responding to the kiss the same way he always does: with want, with intent, with so much love that he thinks he might explode sometimes.

He laughs and Harry stops kissing him, laughing too and rolling to his side. They laugh together, and then laugh some more, and nothing funny is happening, they are just _so very happy_ . The last few weeks have been like magic to them, and if you ask Louis if he regrets moving this fast, he’ll keep on saying _no_ . This is what he is meant to be doing; at this pace, with this person. This is the life he wants to live: a life that makes the most ordinary day _extraordinary_.

 

“I haven’t given you your present yet,” Harry says when their laughter dies down.

“Okay…” Louis turns on his side, “what is it?” He asks.

“It’s technically a present for all of us, but I wanted to give you today.” He explains and gets up, opening the suitcase on the floor. Louis doesn’t want it to be there anymore. He wants all of Harry’s clothes in their closet, where they belong.

He retrieves an envelope and hands it to Louis, who is now on his knees on the mattress.

“Did you make me a drawing or a card?” Louis asks him.

“Sadly, no. I’m sorry,” Harry laughs. “Open it.”

Louis does.

“Harry, what- I- we. What?”

There are four plane tickets there for the thirtieth of December. To Paris.

“I know our moms will probably kill us, but it’s going to be so _magic_ to spend New Years in Disney. And the girls have always wanted to go there. _We_ have always wanted to go there.” He smiles. “What do you say? I can always cancel it-”

“NO!” He screams. “No, it’s perfect, we need to tell the girls-”

“Not yet.” Harry says. “Open this one.” He gives Louis another envelope.

“What am I looking at?” He asks.

“Hotel reservations. Just for us.” Harry tells him. “You see, they have this amazing thing there in which the girls get to spend the night with other kids in a castle…”

“Harry…” Louis says in wonder.

“Happy birthday, honey.” Harry hugs him. “I’m gonna make this the best year of your life. I promise.” He kisses him. “Now we may tell the girls…” He starts to walk away.

“Not yet.”  Louis grabs him by the arm and kisses him again, but unfortunately, it doesn’t go further than a few seconds, because they hear Alice crying and Elena screaming and… Yeah, remember the ordinary day thing? Little girls sometimes fight when they’re not being watched.

Louis runs to solve the problem and Harry decides to take a shower, because he’ll take Elena to the supermarket with him, which allows Louis to spend more time with Alice and take her to the park, so they can play with snow.

 

“Snowball fight!” Allie yells as soon as they make it to the park, and Louis already braces himself for the first small snowball that is coming his way.

In the seconds of the warning, the air is thick and the cold doesn’t bother them much. And then, when the snowball actually hits Louis, he laughs loudly alongside Alice, feeling the solid and icy ball melt on his body and clothes. The ones from the fresh fallen flakes burst open on impact, showering them in crystalline fragments that glint in the wintry light.

The four year old runs behind her papa and her small, gloved hands push him on his knees. Louis jokes that he isn’t as young anymore, but Allie pays him no mind before climbing on his back and smacking another snowball on the top of his head.

“Oh, you’re asking for war, Miss Alice!” He warns her.

“Bring it, Papa!” And then she runs again.

“Alice Marie Tomlinson-Styles, you’re going _down_.” Louis runs after her.

 

Harry calls on his way back from the market and both him and Elena join them in the park. The six year old offers her sister hot cocoa and they hug it out, making their fathers very, very proud.

A big snowball fight in the fading light is how they finish the day. Harry ducks down behind a tree, but the girls are convinced that this is their Papa’s birthday, and team up with Louis to win today’s war. They all end up lying down making snow angels together and taking a family picture for facebook; it’s been a while since Harry updated his and apparently Anne was getting impatient.

They don’t caption it and no one says anything. Closer friends and family like and comment, and that’s it.

When they get home, Louis responds to all his friends’ birthday wishes, having talked on the phone with family throughout the entire day. The girls are exhausted, but Harry insists they shower while he whips up a simple dinner. After that, they all surprise Louis with a small cake, and they all gather around in the kitchen to sing him Happy Birthday again and eat their respective pieces of cake.

Later, when Elena and Alice are asleep, Harry hands him a glass of wine in bed, and he rests his head on his husband’s shoulder, closing his eyes for a second.

“Still eleven fifty-nine,” Harry comments. “Happy birthday, Lou.”

The clock changes.

“Midnight.” Louis whispers, “Merry Christmas, Hazz.”

“Let the magic begin,” Harry comments before connecting their lips.

He doesn’t say it because he’s too busy kissing Harry back, but he thinks that the magic has already begun.

 

-

 

The twenty fifth of December is always a crazy day for them, because it’s usually at one of their mothers’ houses, and this year they thought it’d be more tranquil due to the fact they are in their own home, but that’s not how it goes at all.

At six a.m., the girls wake them up saying that Santa brought them many gifts. Harry and Louis woke up at three to place the presents under the tree, so they should’ve expected this. It happens every year. They convince the girls to fall asleep again and that the presents will still be there when they wake up at a more reasonable hour, and both girls get in the middle of them in the king sized bed, agreeing to go back to sleep.

But then at seven the doorbell rings, and Jay and Lottie walk into the flat carrying lots of bags of food and boxes of presentes, saying they’re here to help.

“Mom, the girls are sleeping, we-”

“We?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Morning, Jay.” Harry emerges from the bedroom. “Are we cooking this early?” He yawns.

“Mom wants to get back to Doncaster in the afternoon, and was afraid Louis would set the kitchen on fire, we didn’t know-” Lottie starts.

“That you’d be here. What the- what are we missing?” Johanna asks.

“Look, we- can we just, no questions? Please? Till after lunch, if it’s possible.” Louis asks.

“We’ll explain when everyone’s here.” Harry tells them. “Tell the story all at once?”

“But are you back together? For real?” Charlotte insists; she looks like she’s going to explode with happiness.

“Laters,” Louis responds.

“Lots, wanna come wake up the girls with me?” Harry asks, changing topics.

“Hell, yeah.”

“I’ll help you unpack things, Mom, but first, I need some tea.” He says as his sister follows his husband into the house. “Stop looking at me like that, Johanna.”

“Are you happy, Lou?” She asks.

“What do you _think_?” He laughs.

“I think you are.” His mom smiles.

“I am. I bloody am.” Louis chuckles looking down. Suddenly making tea became his favorite task.

 

Anne seems to have had the same idea as Louis’ mom, because not even an hour later she and Robin are knocking on the door, saying she had a feeling Harry would be there too. So Louis and Lottie entertain the kids long enough for the older women and Harry handle the kitchen stuff, but when everyone arrives, they can’t hold the kids anymore.

Their family (in the singular, yes, because they are one), gather around in the living room, and one by one they exchange gifts. This has never been Louis’ favorite part of Christmas. His favorite part of Christmas has always been the _aftermath_ of the whole gifts exchange, when everyone is satisfied and with a smile on their faces, telling childhood stories or recent ones, commenting on how things have changed but not really.

Lottie’s fiance passes him the last of the ripped present wrappers, and Louis throws it in a bin before joining everyone again, handing Dan a refiled glass of wine, and moving to sit by Harry’s side, who is trying to help Elena understand how to make her new doll speak.

“How much more do we have to wait to get a statement?” Gemma asks and everyone else laughs. “I mean, _I_ know what’s going on for sure, but I guess everyone else is wondering…”

“Not really. I mean, look at them.” Robin inputs and people chuckle again.

“Our Dads are _in love_ ,” Elena explains matter-of-factly. The family chuckles.

“We asked Santa and he gave us our gift.” Alice says, as if it clarifies everything.

Louis can see Anne and Jay exchanging whispers, so he decides to speak up.

“We took the girls to see Santa together at the beginning of the month,” he starts. “When he asked them what they wanted for Christmas, they said they wanted us to get back together… And- uh,” he’s blushing, he knows he is, “and it made us realize we kinda wanted that too.”

“We’ve been… On a trial period.”

“Weren’t the last fourteen and a half years enough?” Lottie jokes.

“Charlotte!” Mark, her father, Louis’ step-father, interferes.

“I guess we only say trial period to pretend we’re not rushing into anything.” Louis ponders.

“We love each other, and we’ve worked some stuff out and- yeah.”

“Does that mean you’re married married? Not separated, not… Nothing? You’re back?” Jay’s almost jumping from her seat.

When Louis answers _we’re back_ , his eyes are on Harry’s, and he can hear everybody celebrating, and the girls jumping up and down, but it still takes him a long while to pay attention to everyone else again.

 

Lunch is a loud affair, but then again this is the way it has always been, especially after the Tomlinsons and the Styles started sharing houses to host events. Everyone talks on top of everyone, and it should give Louis a headache - which is what usually happens when he’s in a loud environment -, but, in truth, it makes his heart soar.

He rolls his eyes when Anne puts on some Mariah during dessert, and people make fun of him.

“I swear you’re the only person in the world how doesn’t love Christmas songs…” Lottie comments.

“You’ve just been infected by the Styles’ Christmas spirit. You all have.”

“You say that, but you’ve been having the Christmas spirit shoved down your throat long enough- you like to pretend but you’re just as bad as we are.” Gemma calls him out on it and people’s eyes widen. “Oh baby Jesus, I didn’t mean that in a dirty way, you’re all terrible.” His sister-in-law decides.

“You’re the one who said it.” Harry shrugs and chuckles.

 

In the afternoon, Alice naps on Anne’s lap on the couch and her grandmother takes her to the bedroom. Robin and Mark take control of the dishes whilst Harry and Louis tidy up the living room. Their moms and Lottie are playing with Elena, so Harry pulls him by the hand onto the balcony.

“It’s freezing out here, you crazy person.” Louis says as Harry points up.

There’s a mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and _Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_ starts playing, with Tyler Hilton’s voice - one of Louis’ favorite American singers, thanks to One Tree Hill.

“You wanna snog me under a mistletoe, baby?” Louis smirks, walking closer to Harry.

“That too,” the man smiles wide. “But- if you’ll let me…” Harry surprises Louis and takes his necklace off, then does the same to Louis’s. He grabs the ring and looks at him, eyes shining more than a million Christmas lights together.

“Babe…”

Harry gets down on one knee.

“Hey, Lou…” He smiles. “I’ve never really stopped calling you my husband in my mind, but… But we really separated for a while there, which means we were _ex_ husbands and I can’t… I can’t shake that horrible stigma out of my mind.” He moves his head from one side to the other, as if he’s trying, again, to shake it off, but it doesn’t really work. “So I decided to, you know, go a bit off script here. I swear I didn’t plan this.”

“Much like the first time?” Louis asks, almost crying already.

“Much like the first time,” Harry’s voice is just as watery. “You… You are the love of my life, Louis. Everything I have, and everything I am is yours, forever. You deserve flowers on our dates and very hot, black tea in the morning. You deserve cute notes on the fridge, or sometimes post-its on your forehead, and you deserve homemade ice cream sundaes at three a.m., and to be kissed every hour.” Harry tells him. Louis places one hand by the side of his face, caressing his upper cheek with his thumb. “You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are. And if you let me, I’ll show you again, every day. I promise.” He finishes.

Louis drops to his knees in front of him, pecking his lips one, two, three times, before he can even think of what to say.

“I _know_ we will last forever. I do. But I have the feeling we’ll still look back and say _was that it?_ ” He chuckles. “Forever is never going to be long enough when it comes to you, to _us_. But we sure as hell must take it anyways.” Louis hugs him.

“I’ve loved you for almost fifteen years. And I choose to keep loving you, for the rest of our lives.” Harry whispers. “Marry me again, Lou?” He cries in the end.

“As many times as you want.”

“I might want to renew our vows every ten years…” Harry ponders.

“I’m game. As long as I’m with you.” Louis kisses him. “As long as we have this…” He looks in at the living room, where everyone is staring at them and Anne is actively crying. He chuckles. “I’m yours. Come what may.”

“I’m yours.” Harry repeats. “Come what may.”

 

They turn the Christmas tree lights on, and the twinkling colors reflect on the glass door. Harry and Louis look inside and messily get up together, putting their rings on each other’s fingers again - exactly where they belong, forever.

“Does this mean I need to get another tattoo then?” He jokes, staring at the number twenty-eight on his hand.

“I think this one is enough…” Harry touches the ink beneath the ring delicately. “We can have something else this time…”

“A picture?” Elena suggests, which indicates they’ve all been listening to them this whole time. Louis isn’t bothered in the slightest.

“A picture sounds good, baby.” Louis agrees.

The girl raises her phone and they hug each other, plastering real, big smiles on their faces. She snaps a bunch of photos, then says she is done.

“Thank you, Dads.” She runs and hugs them. Louis catches her and Harry kisses her forehead.

 

They walk inside and their family freaking _applauds_ them. This is all ridiculous and unthinkable, and Louis is loving every second of it.

He looks up, and just in his mind, he says _thank you Santa Claus_.

Maybe Christmas _is_ the most wonderful time of the year after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> May you all have an amazing Christmas, and if you don't celebrate it, may the end of this year be amazing to you anyways.  
> I'm sending you much, much love, and a huge thank you for being so great to me yet another twelve months.  
> Wish you all the best,
> 
> Mel.  
> Xx


End file.
